Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
