I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
His nipple licking is glorious
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