im about as happy as oj after his trial
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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