i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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