just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
