is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
