Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
