Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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