I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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