K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Randomize
