That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
