I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
