I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sext me about skeletons
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize