sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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