absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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