Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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