She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
