We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
