You made me cry and you don't even care
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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