I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
