I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
