you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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