no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I fill condoms, not promises.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
