I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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