Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize