he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
