Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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