we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize