LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
