and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
