turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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