something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
