also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
