So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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