Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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