Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
