from now on my penis is your penis
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
