Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
