it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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