The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
