Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
