my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
