hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize