You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
