So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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