Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
