I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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