She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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