I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
