Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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