You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
