Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
