Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
