Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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