Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
