She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
