who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
