I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have fence marks all over my body
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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