We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The Olympian is in my bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
