Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
