How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
