wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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