I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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