he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
