If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
