when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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