I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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