Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
