Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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