I just saw a hot homeless man
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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