Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
