i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
