3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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