I wannas sexs uuuuu
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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