sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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