thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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