oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
