hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize