piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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