his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
